I never thought that I had it, until recently.
I feel a bit dumb to say that it only took me 10 years to realise, but I get the feeling that I’m not alone.
Now, I’m always on guard, ready and somewhat prepared for when the beast pokes its head - otherwise known as Anxiety.
There are many tell tale signs of when the beast is trying to peak its head, everyone’s signs are different, but for me recently, I found the most funny one to date, yet I’d been doing it for years (even before kids, so can’t blame them)!
I’d ‘hold on’ when needing to pee, because I thought that the things that I needed to do in my head held much higher priority than a basic human need. Right…!?
This is one of the many signs that pile on top of one another to make up the beast, but the above one is what’s making me write to you right now, because when you put such a ridiculous ‘first sign of anxiety’ in broad daylight it seems ridiculous, because it is. Note to self (and you): We’re not ridiculous, the anxiety symptom is. It is real, but doesn’t have to be tolerated.
You see a big part of the reason that I believed I didn’t have anxiety (or want to come to terms with it) for over a decade was because I honesty thought that ALL the feelings I felt were relevant and trying to teach me something, and that I HAD to feel them… All!
The reasons I felt my heart beat faster and faster without any obvious reason was because something wasn’t right: “it’s probably the people I’m with, or the ice cream I just ate or that alcoholic drink I had last night, my kids energy, the moon, Donald Trump…”
It could be all or none of those things that contribute to the larger story, but the truth is that I should have just named it what it is… ANXIETY!
Some people are really harsh towards people who have anxiety, shunning their behaviours, thinking that they should “know better” and forgetting about the chemical imbalances in the brain that cause anxiety in the first place. These people either deny their own imbalances, lack empathy or are simply just being dickheads.
I know this, because I was one of those people that lack empathy & that suffered from being a dickhead. I did not excuse any behaviour - especially my own! I was a hard arse!
“Where’s the perfect at people….!?”
The thing is, that I didn’t want to excuse any of my “behaviours” by labelling myself, because that would be an unacceptable (in my books at least) excuse that I’m not living out my full potential.
All this would mean is…. I’m not enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not a good example to anyone. I’m not… I’m not…. I’m not….
As I get older and wiser I can feel the anxiety stirring inside of me and immediately I go into “fight” mode, but fighting makes it sooooo much worse. Pushing through it, shoving it down again and again, only makes the beast more aggravated.
I truly believe that anxiety is a gift, to us all. There’s not a sure way of knowing what really causes each individual cases of anxiety, it could be PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), big changes in life, grief, abuse (verbal or physical), food intolerances, ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) just to name a few. I’m not an expert on anxiety, but I am a barer of it.
I (maybe like you) hold that invisible flag high while I second guess every move I make in life wondering if I’m good enough yet…
Then there are the massive highs that comes with having anxiety pumping through your veins. You’re driven and feel know that you can do anything that you set your mind to… High one life baby!
Then can come the plunge into the deep dark ocean where you doubt everything, but mostly yourself.
Anxiety still is such a taboo subject even though (in Australia at least) 1 in 7 people have anxiety. You’re more likely to have it if you’re a woman and even MORE likely to have it if you’re a woman raising kids!
So the beast has risen and is on the rise within our communities. Within our families. Within ourselves. There’s not one thing that causes anxiety, it’s ALWAYS a combination.
My beloved asks me “What are you feeling anxious about….?”
I used to feel compelled to HAVE to know the answer and if I didn’t, I’d get mad at myself and drift deeper into the dark ocean.
But now I realise that there’s not ONE THING that makes the beast raise its head, it’s a combination of all sorts of thoughts, feelings, imbalances, food intolerance, environmental conditions, vulnerability etc etc.
It’s not my job to know all the things that make anxiety rise within me, in fact I’d pretty much have to stop doing almost everything beside sleep if I didn’t want the beast to rise its head.
I love my anxiety. It’s a beautiful beast that reminds me that life isn’t perfect and I’m not supposed to be perfect either.
When I’ve dove into the deep dark ocean I felt alone, isolated, I feel ALL the feels, but when I come up for air the gratitude that is in my heart is beyond words and I give thanks to the beast, and myself, for always knowing that I can always come up for air.
Weirdly enough, learning to live with anxiety is my passion.
I wished I’d known sooner about how anxiety affects my life. I’m not perfect and never will be, but I choose to consistently evolve as a human “being” and I want to offer help, guidance and a “you’re a bloody awesome chick” to women who suffer (and I say ‘suffer’ because it is suffering) from anxiety.
One thing I know for sure, is that we’re NOT WIRED to try to figure all this out on our own. We are wired for CONNECTION and we need each other. I wanna help - I mean why couldn’t I? We all want to help each other in one way or another and the best ways I can help you right now is in two ways:
Offer you a (free) copy of my excitingly new eBook + Audio:
A ‘Wildly Different’ Woman’s Guide To Anxiety & Depression is where I share my deepest darkest personal stories of anxiety and I share snippets from my personal journey on how I manage my anxiety with lifestyle & mindset changes. To access this eBook sign up HERE. This is not about FIXING ANYTHING as you are not broke (even though it can feel like it at times). Let me show you…
The second way I can help you is for you to join (or host me) for an Essential Oils For Anxiety workshop/class:
There’s so many aroma’s that I want you to be aware of so that you can take a load off your mind and let your soul speak, this is what oils do for me. Plus, it’ll be a fun gathering with lots of laughs and raw chocolate ( < mandatory). Either in-person or online you can book a class or talk with me about oils click HERE for more details on that.
Using Essential Oils has had a massive impact on my life - everyone has been saying how clear my skin is, but it’s not from skincare products, its wellbeing from the inside out ~ Body, Mind & Spirit. I wanna share this with you, and I just know you’ll love what I have to share.